How to Find Joy in Life When Your Days Are Full
*I find daily joy on my morning walk with my dog Daisy.
Joy in daily life doesn't come from waiting for things to calm down. It comes from small, intentional practices done inside the chaos you already have: noticing ordinary moments, reframing "have to" into "get to," and building identity-based habits around who you want to be. Joy is built. It isn't stumbled into.
In May, I sat down with three of my kids’ activity calendars spread across my kitchen island and one blank calendar I was supposed to color-code with my kids' names. Three kids, more than fifteen activities between them, one of me driving, and the kind of small-town geography where nothing is a quick trip. Ten minutes in, I gave up. I walked away from the kitchen with my chest tight, my heart racing, and thoughts that there was no way I could manage this summer.
My husband saw it on my face. He reminded me of something I already knew but had stopped believing that morning: everything is figure-out-able. I had strategies. I'd just forgotten that I could use them on myself. And that’s when the shift happened.
We started calling the first month of summer "June-sanity." We named it. We knew it was going to be full, busy, and crazy with three kids going three different directions along with our own work schedules.
The chaos didn’t disappear, but we got clear about how we were going to communicate, the support we needed to help get kids different places, and how we wanted to show up within the chaos. By the end of the summer, I hadn't just survived it. I'd found real, specific moments of joy inside the exact schedule that had overwhelmed me in May.
That's where this Journal article and my “Finding Joy in Chaos” Masterclass came from. And that’s why I created my workbook, “How to Find More Joy”, so that you can intentionally find and create more joy in your life.
Why Joy Feels Impossible to Find Right Now
If you're a high-achieving individual holding down a career and a household, the exhaustion you're feeling isn't in your head. Career success doesn't lighten the load. And if you’re a professional woman, research shows that women who earn more and hold more senior roles still carry the majority of the household's mental load (University of Bath). This includes the planning, the remembering, the anticipating everyone else's needs before your own. A bigger paycheck buys you help with chores. It doesn't buy you out of the thinking.
I saw this pattern show up in my recent Masterclass. Two women, in the same hour, without ever talking to each other, used the identical phrase to describe where they were: "survival mode." Not burnout. Not stress. Survival mode… the sense that you're managing, not living.
Joy Isn't the Same as Happiness
Happiness is an emotion. It shows up, it passes, it depends on your circumstances. Joy is different. Positive psychology research treats joy as a distinct state, one tied to meaning and connection rather than to whether your day went well. Brené Brown describes joy as an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure, and appreciation, the good mood of the soul (.
That distinction matters, because it changes what you're looking for. You are not waiting for a happier set of circumstances. You're building a state you can access on a hard day, not just a good one.
Joy isn't the reward waiting on the other side of a calmer season. It's a practice you start today, inside the “mess” and the fullness you currently experience.
The Six Dimensions of Joy
Joy doesn't show up the same way for every person, or even the same way twice for the same person. In the Masterclass, we discussed the six dimensions of joy and broke them into three pairs.
Excited joy is loud. It's the surge you feel watching your kid cross a finish line, when you feel a sense of excitement. Serene joy is quiet. One woman in a recent class described hers as solo photography walks on winter mornings, nobody around, just her and the light. For me, it’s my quiet morning coffee while I write in my prayer journal. Both are real joy.
Individuated joy happens alone: coloring, reading, journaling, dancing in the kitchen before anyone else is awake, a walk without distraction. Affiliative joy only exists in connection: a packed concert, a work conference that reminds you why you do this, a group workout where the room's energy carries you. Joy can be experienced by yourself and with others.
Anticipatory joy is when you look forward to something. It’s the joy you feel when you look forward to going on trips, dates with friends or a partner, experiences you have coming up in the future. Consummatory joy is once you’ve had the experience and you look back at the joy you experienced. One is the reaching, the other is having had the experience.
Noticing and naming which type of joy you’re currently experiencing, or the type of joy you’ve recently experienced, can be powerful. That’s where you can purposefully find and create more joy in your life. Just the act of reflecting on joy-filled moments will boost the joy you experience in the present moment.
Four Small, Smart Practices That Build Joy
None of the practices below require a calmer life. They require about five minutes and a willingness to start before you feel ready.
The Joy Scan. At the end of the day, name 1-3 joyful moments from the past 24 hours. What did it look like, sound like, feel like? By deliberately noticing and replaying positive moments you can increase positive emotion. In fact, studies show that people with a stronger “savoring” habit reported better well-being over time, not just on the day they practiced it. One attendee in my Masterclass reflected that because she spent time during the class focusing on the small, ordinary moments in her life that are joy-filled, she felt "SO much more in control" of her emotions.
Spot, Stop, Swap. Catch the moment you think "I have to." Stop. Swap it for "I get to." It sounds small. It changes the sentence you're telling yourself about your own life, which changes more than you'd expect. The “Spot, Stop, and Swap” strategy comes from Jay Shetty’s book, Think Like a Monk, and is one of my go-to strategies for mindset reframes.
Focus on the controllables. Traffic, other people's moods, the weather, and how the day unfolds are not yours to manage. Your attitude, your actions, and your next choice are. Read my Journal about how to focus on the controllables by clicking here.
Build an identity statement. Write "I am joyful." Ask yourself why this matters to you, and ask yourself “why” five times until you reach something that’s true. Identify one action that supports it. Then, use concepts from habit stacking to make it part of your daily routine: attach that action to something you already do, coffee, brushing your teeth, the drive home, so it becomes a habit stack instead of one more thing to remember.
After we discussed these practices, one woman from the Masterclass wrote that now that she had these strategies to use at her fingertips; her very full season feels “figure-out-able.” BINGO! That's the exact reason I launched this Masterclass, and why I write (and talk) so much about how to find joy in life. I want you to realize that you can find and create it on purpose, with intention, and with specific actions.
When You Only Have Five Minutes
Use the Joy Scan when:
You're lying in bed replaying everything that went wrong that day.
You feel like "nothing good happened," even though something small did.
You want to build the habit of noticing before you need it in the hard and chaotic seasons.
Use Spot, Stop, Swap when:
You catch yourself resenting a task you technically chose.
You're mid-obligation and already dreading it.
You want a reframe that takes five seconds, not five minutes.
The swap doesn't remove the task from your plate. It changes whether you're dragging yourself through it or choosing it.
Getting Started This Week
You don't need a life overhaul. You need one small, smart step that’s repeated over time.
Pick one dimension you've been neglecting. If you default to excited, affiliative joy, try one hour of quiet, solo joy this week. If you default to serene, individuated joy, say yes to one shared, high-energy moment.
Do one Joy Scan tonight. Not a list. One moment. What did it look like, sound like, feel like?
Write your identity statement, and stop at one action. Not five habits. One. Attach it to something you already do without thinking.
Expect it to feel awkward for longer than a few days. Habits take anywhere from 21 to over 300 days to stick, depending on the person and the habit. A rough week isn't proof it's not working. It's just data. Keep going.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this resonated, I invite you to join my Masterclass “Finding Joy in Chaos.” Due to the awesome response from recent attendees, and many people who reached out saying they couldn’t make it but wanted to join the next one, I’m doing it again on August 20th from 12-1pm on Zoom. It’s free, live with no replay, and capped at 100 people (because that’s what my Zoom account allows). Once you register, send the link to a friend who also might need to learn how to find more joy in thier life too:
Save your seat for the free, live Masterclass by clicking here:
https://www.drkristenstrom.com/finding-joy-in-chaos-masterclass-aug-20
If you're looking for more structured, ongoing support to find more joy, purpose, and balance in your life, the next cohort of my Empowered Ascent Group Coaching Program kicks off mid-September. This is an accountability group for women who understand what it’s like to want to feel better in mind, body, and spirit, and go after personal, professional, and wellness goals. You can learn more about my Group Coaching Program by clicking here:
https://www.drkristenstrom.com/empowered-ascent-program
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the difference between joy and happiness?
Happiness is an emotion tied to circumstances. It comes and goes depending on how your day is going. Joy is a deeper state tied to meaning, purpose, and connection, one you can access even on a hard day, not just a good one.
How do I find joy when life feels chaotic or overwhelming?
Start small. Notice one joyful moment at the end of each day (a Joy Scan), and reframe one "have to" into "get to" when you catch yourself resenting an obligation. Joy is built through repeated small practices inside your existing schedule, not by waiting for the schedule to lighten.
What are the six dimensions of joy?
Joy shows up in three paired forms: excited versus serene (high-energy versus quiet), individuated versus affiliative (solo versus shared), and anticipatory versus consummatory (the looking-forward versus having experienced it).
Can joy become a habit?
Yes. Building an identity statement ("I am joyful"), attaching one supporting action to an existing daily habit, and giving it time to stick, anywhere from 21 to over 300 days depending on the habit, turns joy from an occasional feeling into a repeated practice.
What's a five-minute way to start finding more joy today?
Do a Joy Scan: at the end of the day, name one specific joyful moment and notice what it looked, sounded, or felt like. It takes under five minutes and builds the same noticing muscle that supports every other joy practice.
Download my workbook, “How to Find More Joy”, so that you can start to intentionally find and create more joy in your life today.
Do I need to change my whole life to feel more joyful?
No. The small, smart steps approach works inside the life you already have. Pick one practice, one identity statement, one action, and let it compound. A full life overhaul isn't the goal, or the requirement.
