Fear: How to Use It to Fuel You Forward
How Fear Holds Us Back
Fear…it keeps us from taking risks, being our authentic selves, making progress, having the hard conversations, applying for the promotion, attending that new committee meeting, talking to that mom at the park, or going all-in on our dreams.
For the purposes of this Journal, I am talking about fears of things that aren’t actually dangerous-- actions, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions that hold us back from reaching our potential like public speaking, taking action on your dreams, improving your health, meeting a new friend, applying for a promotion, and the list goes on.
(For anyone in dangerous situations where fear is a normal response, please get the help you need from a therapist, clinician, doctor, or mental health provider.)
I have spoken about “overcoming fear” during keynotes and workshops, but what always comes up is that there is no such thing as actually being “fearless.” Instead, we can use fear to fuel us forward. We “overcome fear” by moving through it.
Fear Is Part of Growth
My Journal, “The Hidden Trap of Comfort: How to Break Free and Achieve More,” addresses the four phases of growth. When we develop, change, take action, or try something new, we move through the stages of Comfort, Fear, Learning, and finally into Growth. So, when we want to take action on something, we have to leave the Comfort Zone and what comes next is the Fear Zone. It’s just part of the process.
When I learned this, I had a “light bulb” moment. I thought, “Ahhh, so it’s normal to feel scared of taking that risk. It’s not just me, it’s actually part of the process.”
No matter how big or small the goal, next step, or action is, fear may be present.
That knowledge was empowering. It helps me continue to move forward on personal and professional goals.
I know that uncomfortable feelings are part of the process and I just need to continue to take action and move through those feelings. I can use fear to fuel me forward, rather than hold me back. The article, “How to Face Your Fears (and Even Embrace Them” explains that “Facing your fears means confronting what scares you instead of letting it control your actions and acknowledging your fear while choosing not to let it hold you back” (calm.com).
If the Fear Zone is something we have to move through, then it’s just part of the journey. And as I’ve personally learned, each time that you decide to move through the Fear Zone, it’s a muscle that you can flex and grow over time. Each time I move through the fear zone, I practice taking action in the face of fear. And each time, it gets easier and easier. By doing so, I build confidence that I will move through my fear into the next phases.
Before knowing this, I avoided the uncomfort. If something felt scary or uncomfortable, I’d let those feelings sit in my gut, the nervous and anxious butterflies would rumble in my stomach, and oftentimes, I didn’t take action. I’d tell myself, ‘This doesn’t feel good so it must not be the right thing to do.’ My brain wanted to keep me safe and comfortable. Throughout my career, this kept me from speaking up in meetings, applying for that job, adding a new idea during collaborative projects, requesting a meeting at work to have the difficult conversation, and the list goes on.
How I Have Used Fear to Fuel Me Forward
Realizing that I can use fear to move me forward toward my goals has drastically impacted my personal and professional growth over the past four years. If fear is just part of the process, it doesn't hold me back, but instead those feelings encourage me to continue to push through it.
For example, when I had a thought early last year to take all that I had learned, used, and created for my own personal and professional growth and create a coaching curriculum that could help accelerate individuals’ personal and professional growth, my immediate thoughts were something like this:
‘This feels scary. Why would I put my ideas and thoughts out there? Who is going to listen to me? If I put in all this work, what if no one wants it?’
Those thoughts sat with me for some time, but then I realized that those fears and limiting beliefs were truly holding me back.
Instead, I used those thoughts to fuel my next steps:
‘This feels scary’→ ‘Of course it does, this is part of the process of growing and learning.’
‘Why would I put my ideas and thoughts out there?’ → ‘You’re already putting your ideas out into the world during your speaking engagements, on your social media, through your Journals, and your monthly emails. The evidence is clear: people like what you have to offer, their feedback is always positive and they’ve told you over and over that what you share creates positive impacts in their lives. So, keep going.’
‘Who is going to listen to me?’ → ‘Look at the evidence that people are listening: you’re being booked for speaking engagements, and your email list and social media following is growing.’
‘If I put in all this work, what if no one wants it?’ → ‘Test it out before you release it to the public. See if the people that you know who have reached out over the years for support would be interested in what you want to create. Then, test it out, see what works, what doesn’t, refine it, and then decide what to do next.’
I used my fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs to actually take steps forward. I used fear to fuel me forward.
Taking steps forward despite my fears meant that I spent months collecting and refining the coaching curriculum based on my own journey, what I know about human psychology, adult learning theory, and curriculum design.
Then, I launched a pilot group with 10 women-- all friends who had previously reached out with curiosity about my personal growth journey and expressed interest in wanting to grow in their own personal and professional lives.
During the pilot group coaching program, I collected feedback, made adjustments, tested things out, and refined the program. I then tested it out again. Finally, in Spring 2025 it was ready to launch my first public Empowered Ascent Group Program.
The fear I first felt was part of the process. It fueled me to take action and move into the Learning Zone and finally into the Growth Zone.
How to Embrace and Face Your Fears
In my example above, I did what the article, “How to Face Your Fears (and Even Embrace Them,” explains as both facing and embracing your fears:
“Facing your fears is about taking action to confront what scares you. It’s when you make a conscious choice to deal with your fear and reduce the power it has over you. It’s a gradual process where you build your confidence and take control of the situation a little at a time.
When you embrace your fears, you start to see them as opportunities for growth rather than just obstacles. Instead of viewing fear as something negative, you acknowledge that it’s a sign you’re stepping outside your comfort zone. Embracing your fears doesn’t mean you stop feeling afraid — it means you accept the fear and see it as a challenge that will help you grow stronger” (calm.com)
You can ask yourself questions like:
What are my current fears in an area that I would like to grow?
How do these fears limit my actions, decisions, or growth?
Where do I feel stuck because of these fears?
What steps can I take toward the growth that I want?
How would taking steps forward provide opportunities for growth?
What would happen if this fear no longer held power over me?
What Would This Look Like For You?
From my own experiences, and those of friends, colleagues, and clients, I have realized that fear is something we all encounter when we want to improve our lives. Those of us who learn that 1) it’s just part of the process, and 2) we can use it to move us forward, see tremendous growth on the other side of the actions we take in the face of that fear.
This quote continues to remind me to move forward on my personal and professional goals: “The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.”
Avoidance: for me, that means that there’s something deeper, something uncomfortable about taking that action. I avoid things that are uncomfortable, hard, or with unknown outcomes. But, instead of avoiding it, I need to move through it to get to the other side of it.
What might you be avoiding? What might be something that’s on your heart, mind, or an action you want to take, but you haven’t taken action because of feelings that are somewhat, or intensely, uncomfortable. That uncomfort…it may signal that you’re tethering on entering the Fear Zone if you decide to take action.
So, what might it look like if you talked back to the uncomfort, the limiting beliefs, the thoughts that are currently holding you back? Are your current thoughts actually limiting beliefs that are trying to keep you comfortable and just a story you’re telling yourself in your head? What is the actual truth?
Like my example above, consider listing some of your current thoughts and then reframe them with what you know to be true and/or the next steps you can take to answer some of your doubts and questions.
The article, “How to Face Your Fears When You Want to Tackle Them Head-On,” provides the following suggestions for taking steps in the face of your fears:
Evaluate the risks
Create an action plan
Seek a therapist (When I recognized that I had developed fear and anxiety around public speaking and that it was holding me back from goals that I wanted to accomplish, I sought out a therapist to help me develop strategies to move through that fear. Sometimes fears develop at an unconscious level from past experiences; working with a therapist can support individuals to work through those experiences.) (Verywellmind.com)
In his Forbes article, “Courage and Vulnerability: 3 Ways To Face Fears As A Purposeful Leader,” Debevoise writes, “Fear, with its capacity to expose our vulnerabilities, often stands as a formidable barrier to progress. Yet, it is only by confronting these fears head-on that we can unleash our true potential as purpose-driven leaders.” He explores how leaders can move through fear doing these three things:
Honor yourself: recognize your unique way of thinking and working and use that to shift your perspective on moving forward toward positive change.
Talk about your fears: by openly discussing your fears with others, you show your vulnerability and authenticity which can encourage individuals to engage in dialogue for mutual learning and growth.
Take action: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the willingness to act in spite of it” (Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart); When leaders take action despite their fears, they inspire others to do the same.
Final Thoughts About Fear
As I build my business, speak in front of large groups of people, lead my community, and write books that are on my heart, fear is part of my journey. It will always be there and it can’t be something I avoid. When I avoid it, it holds me back. But when I use it to fuel me forward, powerful things begin to happen. This can be true for you too. As always, I am here cheering you on!
